lonecity.com

When it comes to dealing with emotional situations I’m just about as close to a rock as a person can become.  I don’t have trouble setting through funerals or watching friends walk away and it happens not only without tears, but also without sadness.  Its not that I’m uncaring.  I just don’t form the same kinds of inter-personal relationships that others do.  Thats probably a big part of why I’m not married.  Your partner wants to feel that life with them is important to you and I have trouble conveying that feeling.  Mostly I guess because I’ve never found anyone that I felt I needed to be around.  Still some people you cannot help but have creep in.

Over this last weekend I gave away the eldest of my three younger sisters.  Seated watching her standing before the alter listing to the words of the bishop and and holding hands with her future husband I actually felt a tear form.  Its a strange feeling to me.  I never expected it.  I actually felt some sort of loss.

I’m a bit late writing this weeks entry into my blog because of the whole wedding fiasco.  I had to request two days off and I spent the majority of the both of them hauling things around for my little sister.  Its true that the bride was just glowing though.  Even with all the panic and fervor as the wedding approached she simply lit up the room.

On another note, my brother drove out to attend the wedding.  Its a fourteen hour drive so I don’t get to see him all that often.  After the wedding and for the next day or two he stayed at my home and we played nintendo pretty much the whole time.  (except when I went to work)  I’m pretty sure somewhere along in my blog I mentioned how good a game twilight princess is.  It would seem he agrees with me as I spent most of the time watching him play.  While I seldom buld attachments to people I do greatly enjoy observing them.  Watching as he trys to solve puzzles that I’d figured out the answer to already was most entertaining.  (though it was tough holding back and not giving him the solutions.

Aside from the video games and the wedding fiasco I’ve also suffered through my first week of work at the new job.  My boss is pretty damn hard to read.  I have no idea if I’m doing what they want or not.  I do know I’m in over my head.  I’ve got to find an alternate source of income.  I need a way out but even before that I need a backup.  I need that feeling of security.