lonecity.com

For the last few months my blog has been a monologue about how bad things have been getting for me.  who am I kidding, thats all its ever been…  Two days ago I got proof of my insipid whining.  I’ve bitched about wanting to find a new job and failed to actually do it.  I’ve complained about how little I make, but failed to do anything to make more.  Well the jig is up.  My company made the announcement that I will need to start looking for a job because by the time christmas is done I won’t have one anymore.  (merry freaking christmas to me…)

So are you all wondering how I feel about all this.  I feel FANTASTIC!  I’m an atheist so I never was expecting the christmas cheer that most people probably would expect. From that I’ve not had to deal with the downturn in mood that most of my co-workers have.   I’ve known I was worth more than what my company could offer me all along, but out of some twisted sense of duty or responsibility or maybe even pride, I’ve stayed with them.  The announcment that they are closing the facility where I work and that my job goes along with it is GREAT NEWS!  Finally I can shed this feeling of guild for wanting to leave and just tell them to go f*** themselves.  I am free to move on.

My only real regret here is that this happened in a particularly bad economic downturn.  (though thats why it happened)  See, it would have been nice to have a little more money put away before having to make the move.  I can see myself bieng forced to accept a job that isn’t up to my expectations because I just can’t go too long without bieng employed. I don’t want to find myself in the same trap that I just happened to fall out of by sheer luck.

I can see now that my home business is just as strongly affected by economic downturn as my company was though.  I’m making ten percent of what I used to be doing the same amount of work in my spare time.  I don’t feel my business has lost any value, but I do see that the income is going to be a while in returning.  I had hoped to use that extra income as a pad while I made the transition.  Really I had hoped to not have to make the transition except to living strictly off that extra income. 

Again though I don’t feel bad about this.  In a way its the best thing that could have happened.  Had I quit my job and then this happened I could be in a world of hurt.  Now I have a better idea of just how low the bottom is so I know where I need to be before I can safely depend on just my home business income.  I got a reality check before I got stung. 

I don’t know if there is a name for this phoenomena.  I do know people are not supposed to be happy about losing thier job.  I don’t know where I’ll be working a month from now.  I don’t know how I’m going to make the house payment.  Still the little bit of fear there is far outweighed by the massive sense of relief.  For the first time in forever I see clearly the path I must take. 

I’m going to start job hunting much closer to home.  (no more driving 50+ miles a day.)  I’m going to sell off the extra car since I won’t need a backup car if I can ride the bus in an emergency.  I’m going to focus more of my efforts into growing my business and less into researching where I should be growing my business.  And lastly I’m going to spend more time not doing any kind of work.  Hell part of me hopes I don’t find a job until after the building closes.  I could use a few weeks drawing unemployment.  I’m able bodied and more capable than nearly everyone I meet.  I am very employ-able.  I’ve always known it.  Now its time to prove it.