lonecity.com

I have always had an innate ability to only remember the most useless information.  Its kind of like a retarded photographic memory syndrome.  My locker combination in high school I had to keep written down in my wallet because I couldn’t remember three numbers from one day to the next.  Here fifteen years later and I can still remember the temperature at witch alcohol turns from a liquid to a gas. Something I heard one time in a chemistry class.

This sort of strange effect where odd numbers seem to happily embed themselves into my subconsious blocking out the far more important things like the faces of my family is really a curse.  If my own mother went missing and I was asked to describe her for a sketch artist I wouldn’t be able to do it.  I can tell you what the picture on the front of our generic brand corn flakes looks like though. :( 

In any event this odd curse has also been a bit of a strange blessing.  Yesterday at the market I needed to purchase some margarin as we were running low.  I can remember exactly how much I paid for a box last year and the year before that, and the year before that.  Two years ago a box of imperial margarin in the brownish gold packaging cost me 40 cents, and it was the cheapest package on the shelf.  Yesterday the same package of margarin is $1.19, and the cheapest on the shelf was blue bonnet coming in at a whopping 77 cents per package.  My favorite cheeze colby jack in the local brand garnered between $12 and $14 for a five pound brick two years ago.  (cheeze fluctuates from week to week)  It now rests happily within +/- $1 of $18 every week.

My blog seems to be a constant complaint session where I detail just how poor I’m getting and how I can’t seem to get beyond that.  For a while now I haven’t been able to put two and two together to figure out why.  My fuel costs go up, and I get a little raise to match the increase.  I start a side business that brings in an extra $250 a month.  Previously I had a little spending money left over after I got my paycheck, but now I find myself borrowing to make ends meet.  The math didn’t work until I realized just how much all those little increases in food costs has hurt my family budget.  $2 more a month in butter, $2 more a month in flour, $50-$100 more a month in meat, $35 more a month in fruits and vegetables.  All spread nicely across many items so I only barely notice the difference at the register. 

I’ve finally found the leak in my budget and the grim reality is that its not something I can fix.  Bottom line is that my family has to eat to survive.  The only way out is to make more money.  I’ve had sort of a job offer on the table for a while that I really don’t want to accept.   The numbers are a bit sketchy, but I do know It would litterally double the number of hours I have to work each week, and that would put an end to my home business.  That would also mean the death of any hope I once had to be self dependant.  The salary would have to be significant and it would fend off the jackyls for at least a few more years, but I think I’ll be selling my soul if (when?) I accept.

Its times like these I kind of wish I didn’t have people I care about.  I would be alright standing in the soup line at the homeless shelter.  It might even bring a sense of freedom along with the bitter cold and indignity.  I just can’t do that to my family.  I guess we’ll all know in the next few weeks.  I’m going to ask them for a solid dollar amount.  I just need to decide how much they will have to say for it to be worth giving up the last shreds of my dreams and becoming a total wage slave.