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I wrote a post to my blog a number of weeks back about how my father had suffered a heart attack.  Its been more than two months now and he is still in the hospital.  He was released twice, only to return just one day after discharge both times.  Internal bleeding keeps filling his chest cavity and putting pressure on his lungs to the point where he cannot breathe.  The poor guy is a pincusion full of tubes and wires.  They’ve opened his chest and relocated veins.  They’ve put tubes in through his back to drain out fluids.  They’ve put in stints, and even sprayed talk powder inside of him to clog up the leaks.  You’ve got to admit it sounds more like a diy plumbing job than a heart surgury.

There are different kinds of people in this world.  Some just naturally know how to have fun, while others were simply bread to be slaves.  Its rare, or maybe even impossible to change your lot in life.  Lying in bed he is still thinking about going back to work.  He is weighing all his options and trying to figure how he can move into management so that his knowledge is still useable where he knows he can’t continue to do heavy lifting.  Whats worse is that deep down I know I caught that terrible ailment known as workaholism.  I’ve made up my mind from watching my dad go through this that I will break the workaholic curse and become someone who is fun.  Or die trying…

There are so many things I want to do someday and I’ve been thinking about taking a vacation.  No not the kind of taking days off that I have done in the past, but really taking a vacation.  I’m concidering a princess cruise.  I know I’m kind of young but it really sounds appealing to me.  Not bieng a sporty type I can see myself getting into a game of shuffleboard.  There is alot of deep seeded fear I will have to overcome to make it a reality though.

Some of the toughest things that will keep me from boarding the Grand Princess and cruising off into the tropics are the sun and the water.  Its not like I mind doing a days work, but I have to keep out of the sun to really do at my best.  I see laborers on rooftops with their dark tans and bulging muscles.  They seem not to be affected by the sun.  Put me out in direct sunlight and I start to feel tired.  A headache ensues, and eventually I become a worthless lump seeking the darkness for shelter.  I dare say in the roofing trade I’d become a rasin or a prune in no time. 

I know that on a cruise ship a big part of the adventure is on deck.  I can see myself at night in the tropics out on deck, but during the day I don’t see it happening.  Is there some sort of trick to enjoing the sunlight that I’m missing?  In my daily life I have to work during the day and sleep at night.  These are required to maintain the flow.  On a cruiz ship I wonder if the opposite is acceptable.  I would have no problem sleeping the day away and partying all night.  I just wonder if I’d be up at 3am while all the entertainment is closed and everyone else is sleeping.  I know there are activities below deck, but I’m not one for gambling.  I tried it when I was younger.  The thought of giving away so much of my hard earned money for so little entertainment makes me sick.  Aside from that I don’t know what else they could offer that would really entertain me.  (unless they have cheap hookers…)  Most everything else I can do here at home and have just as much fun.

Besides the sun theres also the water.  Having inherited every other poor condition my fathers gene’s could pass on I’m sure seasickness is among the plagues I have yet to discover.  I know I don’t handle airplane travel well.  I don’t think its a matter of the plane rocking that makes me sick so much as its a matter of the people.  Bieng packed in a can in some sort of cultist sardineism with tainted air supply uncontrollable temperature and massively violated personal space all add to the overwhelming distaste.  I’d much rather drive for three days than fly for just a few hours.  I don’t know if I get seasick or not, but finding out in the middle of the ocean days away from dry land is not what I call smart.  I know that they have pills for that sort of thing.  The underlying problem there is that I don’t want to spend a week doped up on pills pretending to have fun.  I want to go and have some real enjoyment.

So this leads me back to the rut I’m stuck in.  I want to go on a princess cruise.  I want to have fun.  I’m not sure I would have any fun.  If I had a trophy wife slash sexual acrobat to take along I’m sure I would.  This puts me back to going to work every day trying to earn the cash to be filthy rich.  If I have a ton of money the hot chick wife who only wants me for my money isn’t far off.  Then the cruise.  Following that logic I end up just like my dad.  In the hospital from a heart attack still trying to make my fortune so I can eventually get to the fun part. 

So how to break the cycle?  Should I give up on the cruise and find something else fun?  The problem is that I don’t enjoy the all same types of things that other people do.  I’ve been bread not to have fun going to bars and drinking.  I get satisfaction from doing a job well.  Maybe its a grass is greaner complex but I just feel like I can’t have fun like other people do.  What do you all think?  Should I just say screw it and blow five grand on a glorified boat ride just to see if I like it?